This is going to be an understanding about my name and lifestyle and how they intertwine effectively and why I am not lonely even though I maybe “Solo” more times than most people. I have been asked so many times and I think its time I officially address the topic …
The nickname “Solo” did not start out as a nickname. I never called myself “Solo” growing up and at the time it came about, it was actually someone else that came up with the nickname. The nickname just happen to stick and catch like wildfire and its been like that ever since the 7th grade, at least. The one person that I deemed the most trustworthy, the most caring and most sincere had died, which left a void in my life. My grandmother set the standard, she set the level of admiration, love and respect an individual can give another individual without restrictions or limits. It was a rude awakening because as I started to go on through life I realized that everyone else did not, could not or would not show that same level and eventually I stopped looking for it and started learning to give that energy to myself and not depend on it from someone else, however, it is still the level I grade everyone else on as they come into my life and as they leave too. Therefore during my short years on this planet I have always been alone but I have never been lonely. Being lonely is the mere definition of needing someone or something to appease that feeling of loneliness but I have never felt a need for something nor have I felt lonely. Have I been alone? Yes, I am alone more times than most and it has yet to bother me and I think it bothers others more than it bothers me since everyone thinks you need to be with someone to fill complete. I disagree with that notion because I think in order to be complete you must enjoy being alone so that you are not needing anyone to fill a void that you were unable to do yourself. Did I lose you yet? Well, let me explain.
Aloneness is not loneliness
Aloneness is a noun that describes the physical state of having no one else (or no friends) present. Loneliness is a noun that describes the aching sadness one can suffer from feeling alone. The two are often conflated in modern society — but they don’t have to be. When we’re alone, we don’t have to be lonely.
A lot of people need the acceptance of others, the confidence and comfort of others to feel worthy or complete, hence those people that are always in a group, cannot go anywhere by themselves always looking for acceptance and most of their sheer existence is based of what other people think. Another group of people are not interested in any contact with groups at anytime in their life. They are normally defined as depressed or detached from society and most end up being diagnosed for clinical depression. I am neither of these two definitions. I am what they call a hybrid loner. I function very well by myself and I am perfectly fine when I am dealing with a group of people, however, neither situation deters my spirit or my ability to function. Therefore I am “solo” most of the time from the physicality of that term to the mental aspect of that term. “Solo” is a survivalist and a very good one.
Its funny because don’t matter if I am alone or with a group of people the feeling is still the same. Even in a group I normally stand out and I am normally the only person that thinks the way I think so I can be in a crowded room and still be alone. On the other side, I can be in room by myself and feel like I have the world watching me. Both situations provide me with the strength to withstand anything. It gives me the luxury to not be crippled when someone leaves or a group doesn’t like me or no one is around. I am never lonely and in my mind never alone even though my physicality might say something different. I am just going through life, enjoying every moment that is presented whether it is with a group of people, an individual or by my lonesome. Some may think of it as a defense mechanism to avoid being hurt or so and that maybe the case in most people’s mind but I am not in that state of mind. I am just “SOLO,” nothing less but a whole lot more….